My weakness is that I am too emotional. I don't want to say it like that, exactly. I think it is that I allow myself to experience emotions more fully, and I honestly believe that. I cannot stand being attacked for that trait that is such a large part of me. Of my "Amelia-ness." I AM emotional - but damn it, it's a choice! I can choose to not be emotional. Which, at the moment, I am experimenting with. Maybe it would make my life easier and my dealings with people less "dramatic." To me, that also makes them less real. I can't find that balance like I used to be able to do. I can't decide if it's me or if it's everyone else. Being "emotionally feeling" is not only hard for most people, but it is different. Shouldn't I feel blessed that I am able to experience my emotions without a problem? Blessing or curse? I guess I'll never know, honestly.
I can't know that. I can't know if the way I am is "right" or "wrong" because...there is no right or wrong in this. To me, it is me being me. But apparently it makes other people uncomfortable sometimes. Apparently, I am pushy. I can see that. Sure, of course I can be pushy. People should realize that me being pushy is really me trying to help. But I can't make people see that...at all. People will see what they want to see. They will see me how they want to see me. That is on them. Not me. It has nothing to do with me really. It has to do with perception. And I think that people are not perceiving me accurately. How do I change that? It seems kind of impossible. Maybe it is. Maybe I won't try. Maybe I will.
It feels good to get that out. Maybe my blog will now just become me dealing with my "emotions" and I can stop doing that in my "real life." I can stop doing that verbally - and do it with writing. Maybe that will be my "plan." I know I will deviate from this "plan." But there is nothing wrong with having a plan and deviating from it. That's what ALL plans are because you can't exactly plan out your life - but you can have guidelines. That is what I do. I make guidelines and then they deviate and turn out how they are supposed to.
For the remainder of today's blog I'm going to use one of those journal prompts again - but it will not be "deep" and instead I might just enjoy it for it's simplicity.
"Three Things"
Three favorite TV shows: I love...Secret Life of the American Teenager. Make it or Break it. Law and Order:SVU or CI. I love them for different reasons. I love Secret Life for it's "real issues" that it tries to cover while still being entertaining and relatable. I love Make it or Break it for the drama that I know nothing of. For the fact that it makes me feel normal and like my life is not that dramatic. I love the Law and Orders because of their investigative quality and their "almost real" quality - because these things probably have happened but maybe with less attractive detectives with more or less quirks? Because there is a real-ness to all of the shows and they are also entertaining. And because I want to.
Three celebrity crushes. Goodness. I'm going to definitely go with number one: Leonardo Dicaprio. First of all, how could I not? And second of all - I have had a crush on him since I was like 7. Literally. I saw him in Titanic when it first came out (I remember that I was sick but me and my dad went anyway - I think?) I remember him in Growing Pains. Jack and Rose forever. I love all of his newer movies. Revolutionary Road, Blood Diamond, Inception. I love all the movies in between. He has continued to be extremeeeeellllyyy attractive and always play the part in his movies fully. It's probably a crush because I feel like he is one of the best actors. I also have a crush on... Ryan Reynolds and Josh Duhamel. Ryan Reynolds is a newer crush - The Proposal, X-Men, Definitely Maybe, Just Friends, Van Wilder. Even Amityville Horror's remake. He is just so cute! And a good actor as well. Josh Duhamel became my crush on the tv show Las Vegas. Also Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. Basically, they all kind of look alike don't they? LOL.
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