Just gonna stand there And watch me burn

2 Corinthians 4:17 -- For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

A lot of things difficult have been surfacing over the past 24 hours. By that, I mean personal things that I'm not posting online. But, for my own reference, I just want to remember how much it hurt to hear some of the things I heard and to deal with these things like an adult. Do I always do what is best? No, I don't. But I try. I fail sometimes and that's OK, because I tried my hardest to deal with these things the best way I know how. I feel too much emotion. I hope that I never change that, but I have a sneaky feeling that one day I'll just turn it off. I think it will get to be too much and I will be fake and not feel as much. I don't want that, though maybe it is easier. I enjoy feeling. But...So far, 20 is pretty hard... When is 21? I could at least take the edge off with a good Margarita. Dammit birthday! BTW those two graphics at the top are PostSecret's that I liked recently. I love PostSecret.

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
--Love the way you lie, Rihanna and Eminem

And a small rant: I do NOT want to get married "just because everyone else does." It's not a damn competition. That is ridiculous. When else have you seen me do things just because others do? Hello, how many people decide they want to graduate college with a four year degree at 20?? Really. Come on.
I don't "tan" just because everyone else does. My hair is not bright blonde or dark brown as trends go, because I am me. While there is nothing wrong with either of those things, they just aren't for me. I'd look stupid tan and my hair is beautiful the color that it is. I just wish people would realize that I am ME. I want things that are common and some that are not. To date for 2.5 years is not a short period of time, especially with a 1.5 or more year engagement. It's just not. I can want what I want. I suppose that doesn't mean I'll get it. Oh well.