Christmas Week & the future

So the blog I posted before this has the main pictures from Christmas day, so I will go ahead and explain my past few weeks. I see I haven't posted in a while, due to several factors. :)

I went home on the 23rd. But before that, after the doggies got their Santa pics made, we came back and gave them THEIR Christmas presents. (Two huge bones, two smaller ones, and some treats.) They also got a present from "Nana" (my mom) with squeaky toys. So cute. :p I finished up my grad school application stuff and mailed the part that had to be "snail mailed" when I got home on the 23rd. It was relieving, in a way.

I dropped them off at their boarding place. I hate doing it, but it makes it better that they are so excited to be there and the staff knows their names and tendencies. It's homey. One day when I'm not a poor college student, I'll tip them really well. :) We gave them a copy of the Santa picture and they put it up on their wall. I felt like a proud Mama. hahaha. I'm so lame! I love it.

So then I went home to my Mom's house. We didn't do much that night, but Will & I had "movie night." We watched 27 Dresses and talked for hours. We do that a lot, since we are both Chatty Kathy's. lol.

Then the next day was Christmas Eve AKA My Mom's birthday!! She turned 42. But I didn't say that. It was really "29." ;) We got her an awesome "Super Mom" Card. It was soooo cute. Then we all went to eat at LongHorn for her bday and then that night, Ava put out the cookies and reindeer food. Then me, Mom, Will & Zach went to the Christmas Eve service at the church. It was beautiful. Christmas music (esp Quaker style) is my favorite. Actually, church music in general is beautiful to me. It was a beautiful service and really made me appreciate it more. My favorite part? "Let the Christmas spirit affect you as it affected you as a child. Approach Christmas with the open heart that children do." We waited for Ava to be asleep after we got back, and then all 5 of us elves got Christmas Morning ready. :p It's interesting being old. lol. Will and I had a funny conversation about what Christmas will be like when she's older too. :)

Christmas morning - OH what a morning! She had us up by 7-ish and by 7:30 presents were being torn open. She got a ton of barbie stuff, I got a lot of much-needed clothes, Will got clothes and some helpful school stuff, Zach got clothes as well and some cool movies/games. :) We're so old. ;) Then we had our typical Christmas morning breakfast - Zach made his cinnamon biscuits and Mark made the sausage casserole. DELICIOUS, both of them.

Nanny & Papa got there around 12 or 1 and we did those presents. :) And Nanny tried to teach Will how to juggle. haha. Then we had Christmas "linner." lol. It was yummy, as usual. Seth finally came down a little after that and did his presents.

Then Seth & I left to go see his Mom. We went to her & Lee's house and Shane & Heather were there too. We had yummy food and did gifts there too. THEN, it started to snow and actually stick!! White Christmas, at least the most White Christmas we've seen in over 100 years. :p I had to drive home in it (not fun, kind of scary) because it was dark outside and it was like the snow flakes were attacking my windshield. :/ I was stressed. But made it home safely and played in it with Will & Zach. :p Ava wasn't able to. Bedtime and all that. But she got to the next AM when it was done snowing. :)

That day, we went to church. Another gorgeous service. I really love that church, honestly. After church, Ava went to play with her bff Rachel. lol. Mom got to sleep some more and Will, Zach & I went to Dad's for more Christmas. We did the presents with Dad & Maggie and then, of course, went to Summit for some wings and football. Some things never change. :p After that, we watched movies again that night.

I left yesterday (Monday the 27th) and came and got my babies from their boarders. They were soooo tired! :) Matter of fact they are asleep right now too! Now back to reality and bills and bullsh*t. BOO!

But I'm excited for my favorite holiday - New Years! I love the renewing sense that it brings. I hope that 2011 is 3948405493 times better than 2010. 2010 was okay, but it was not that exciting and certainly nothing of great importance really happened. I don't mean that this year hasn't had a lot of learning involved, but I feel kind of disappointed that I didn't really hit any major milestones. I'll have to get used to that, I'm sure. But I guess I did finally stop being a "teenager" when I turned 20 earlier this year, but it didn't really feel like a big deal. I didn't finish anything and I didn't really start anything either. Next year, I think I'll be both finishing and starting things, assuming I get into Grad School! *fingers crossed* I'm actually excited about grad school now. I think I am about 94% certain that I want to do this with my life, and I don't think anyone is 100% about anything like that.

I have a feeling 2011 is going to have a lot in store for me, not just including graduating college and turning 21. :) And possibly, hopefully, starting grad school. I think next year will have a lot of really neat things going on. I'm excited for our little New Years party! We only invited like 8 people, so it'll be small, but that's how I like it. :)

Christmas in Pictures

The pictures uploaded in backwards order - mainly because I forgot that they do that, and I didn't feel like switching them all around. :) SO, let's go backwards, shall we? The above picture is from where it was SNOWING on CHRISTMAS in GEORGIA. Yes, stand back in awe. It hasn't snowed on Christmas in the Atlanta area since 1882. Part of history is now on my blog. :)

And my brothers, who refuse clothing, outside in pants and gloves. No joke, they weren't cold. Except their hands. It's ridiculous. I think they are werewolves? Jacob & Sam? HAHA.

Seth & I in front of the tree on Christmas day. :)

Me & Will. I look GROSS, but it's okay. :)

Zachy & Ava, Christmas morning.

Will & Ava Christmas morning. :) Sweet.

Ava & I opening presents. This is what she got me. :) She was so cutely excited. I wore it later that day. :)

All of us, ages 6-20. LOL. What a crew.

Ava found her Santa presents! :)


Putting out the milk & cookies that the boys ate later that night. Such good elves. ;)

Puppies & Santa "Claws"

Quick Update:
My new phone is awesome, still.
And:

Today we went to Petsmart to get Santa "Claws" Pics of our babies. It's put on by the Douglas County Humane Society. They had puppies there! SO adorable. Lucy & Chevy really took to one of them.........one day they will get another brother or sister! :) Just need to get a job and house first! Ha.
Anyways, this is distorted because I took a pic of the pic with my phone, you know how that goes. BUT it's an idea. :) They did so well! Friendly and didn't bark at other dogs and Lucy didn't do her "i'm excited so I lost control of my bladder thing." The only time anything even remotely went "wrong" was when we were leaving. Chevy had to relieve himself and started to do so as we were walking out. We cleaned it up. Crisis averted. :) And their sweaters are adorable. I love my fur-babies.

Boring

OKAY final grades are in! I got 5 A's and 1 B!!! :p I'm pretty thrilled about this. Now only 6 more classes and UNDERGRAD IS DONE! :p

Over the break, I suppose I'll be working on my application to Grad Schools. I'm a bit nervous, which is leading me to procrastinate. But it's okay. I'll suck it up and do it. :)

Sunday night, Hannah & I watched three chick flicks and laughed and joked and had fun until like 4:30 am. :p It was great! Hadn't had a night like that in a long time. Then, yesterday (Monday) I got the puppies back!! :) And took a pic of them with my new phone. :p

Wow, I'm late. WHAT a weekend.

So my last update was several, several days ago. There are a few reasons for this. Here's the summary. I made it through finals and writing tons of papers and whatnot. I have 5 out of my 6 final grades - so far, really good! So far it's 4 A's and 1 B!! My only one pending is Law & Society. It will either be an A or a B. SO all the stress was totally worth it! :p

AAAANNNNDDDDD Now, to this weekend!
Hannah & I went home to babysit Ava and do stuff and go to Danny's Christmas party. So here's how that went.

Friday: Friday when we got to my house I got my BRAND NEW PHONE!!!!!!!! :p I'm so excited about that. So after we played with it and started figuring it out, we went and picked Ava up from school. She was so excited! So then we went and babysat her for a while, played dressup, and then a lot of us (Me, Hannah, Ava, Zach, Will, Tyler, Savannah) went to El Charro for dinner. After that, we watched Will & his friends (plus some that weren't at dinner) play Twister and silly string & there were glow sticks and yeah. It was pretty fun. Then we put Ava to bed and stayed up watching stuff and hanging out w the boys and such.



Saturday: In the AM, Ava got us up at 8:30. YAY. hahaha. And we watched 101 Dalmations. Btw, I really missed that movie! I had forgotten a LOT of the details. So cute. Then we ate, hung out, played, did nails, etc etc etc. Then Hannah & I got ready and headed to Danny's (Seth's bfffffff's <--- that's for Hannah) house for a Christmas party. It was pretty fun. The "regulars" were there and it was interesting to talk to Hannah about it! :p Pictures to come.

So then today (Sunday): Today was Ava's Christmas Recital with her dance group. She was SOOOO freaking adorable and cute, like OMG. So this morning when we got up (she let us sleep until 9 something!) we got up and had breakfast, then we watched Beauty & the Beast: Christmas Edition or something, it was cute. I think I'd only seen it maybe once. By the way: It SNOWED a little bit. This is completely unheard of in December in Georgia. If it snows at all, that is usually in Feb or March. So after that we took showers, we got ready quickly and then played "dress up Ava!" Her hair is really hard to get to stay up, being that it is all straight, so we put tons of gel and hairspray and then Nanny brought her curling iron and it turned out ABSOLUTELY adorable. :D See below. I put green eyeshadow on her and some blush and lipstick and she loved it. Look at her work it! :)

Quick Re-Cap

So I made it through the week! Basically.
It was pretty crappy, but, I'm alive and done with four of my six classes.
Run-down really quick:

Monday: Did Practicum for 6 hours (10-4), then studied for Law & Society final with Hannah.
Tuesday: Did Practicum for another 6 hours (9-1 and then 5-7). Took Law & Society final in between those two sections.
Wednesday: Did Practicum for another chunk of time (9-12 and 1-3). Then met up with Hannah again and studied for Terrorism final. Then TOOK Terrorism final. THEN, came back to the apt and worked some on my 10-page Corrections paper.
Thursday: Finished said Corrections paper (12 pages total) and finishing putting together my powerpoint for Corrections (had started it Sunday). Then did Corrections Presentation Thursday night (got a 100!!!!!!!) and turned in said paper.
Came home and prepared to pass out and spend today sleeping the day away.

What actually happened today: Slept for a good bit of time, but woke up before noon. This was NOT in my plan. ;) Now I'm getting all my financial aid payment stuff worked out.
Tomorrow doing more Practicum hours and then all I have next week is MAYBE a few extra hours for that and an 8 page paper to do. OH and helping Hannah study so she ROCKS her final for Methodology. ;)

That's pretty much it and I am DONE with this semester and will OFFICIALLY only have ONE semester of College left!!!!!!!! :D :D :D That is my motivation for next semester.

HA.

Today, got some things cleared up I guess. Not fixed, but out in the open. I'm happy about that.

This week....oh, boy.
Tomorrow I have to do some practicum hours and study with Hannah for our Law & Society final on Tuesday. Then, Tuesday night we need to study for our Terrorism final on Wednesday. Wednesday I need to do a few more practicum hours if possible and take the Terrorism final and turn in my Terrorism Honors paper. Also need to finish the Corrections Paper and Presentation for Thursday. On Thursday I have the Presentation & Paper due for Corrections. On Friday, I have a five page paper due in Practicum. I also need to do more practicum hours that day, since I need to turn a paper in that day anyways.

Whew.

Then over the weekend on Sunday is Ava's adoption party - 2 years. Wow! Also I need to work on my paper for Sexuality & Spirituality. It's due next Wednesday, I think. I need to finish up my practicum hours by December 10th (next Friday). I REALLY hope I do my best on all of these things, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by this. Having it written down helps though, so I can keep to a schedule. :/ Sigh. But then I'm DONE by December 10th for a few weeks!! :D Then I start my LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE. YES.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
This picture is of everyone except Mom, who likes to hide from the camera. And Will's eyes are closed, but hey. It's the only big group pic from Thanksgiving.

My stomach virus that I got on Monday am FINALLY went away late last night and I am SO glad! I was praying and praying that I would not be "that sick girl" on Thanksgiving, especially with all the yummy possibilities. :D

Let's skip the sick days (aka Monday-Wednesday) and get on to the good stuff. This morning I got to Seth's grandma's house around 12-ish and helped her finish up the cooking and setting tables and whatnot. We ate - and it was good. The ham was DELICIOUS and the squash casserole was a new Thanksgiving thing. I was told I'm not country enough since I don't eat collards - lol. I just don't like how they smell :/ Or look. lol.

We left there around 4:oo and went down to my Mom's house. OH MY. I hope that I can get the pictures that we took. The table alone was impressive! hahaha. It looked like the Brady Bunch was going to have Thanksgiving dinner there. It was the dining room table + the kitchen table put together. YEAH, so we have a big family. And they "figured out" that they'll have enough room for a kids table one day when we all have little munchkins. *sigh*

It was Ava, Zach, Will, Me, Seth, Mom, Mark, Nanny, Papa & Nic. We had yummy food again and Ava made us all turkey placemats - so cute. Of course all the food was delicious, but my favorite, as always was the casserole. That stuff. What would I do without being able to have that twice a year? :D Besides be thinner. ;)

Everything was good food-wise and family-wise. Lots of fun. It was Ava's second Thanksgiving with us. :) We left around 9 pm. And now here I am, with my puppies who are loving their REAL bones that they got. SLEEPING tomorrow!

OH, we got the disc of all the Family Photoshoot! Here's a sneak peak!

Confusion, Pictures & Harry Potter? :)

I have been in a state of confusion for weeks now! I keep feeling like as soon as I figure something out, it blows up in my face. I have expectations and they aren't met or I don't have any expectations and I miss something. I just, basically, can't figure out how to live my life anymore.

That may sound stupid and whiny, and I understand that. But it is the best way I can think of to put into words. I'm not sure what the date of my last post was, since I am no longer using this daily (even though I should).

Let's do an update of sorts, then.

On Friday (Nov 19th) it was my youngest brother's 14th birthday! Happy Birthday Zachy! I always feel old when a sibling has a birthday. Like I've said, I don't feel any older when I have my OWN birthdays, but when I have a sibling have a birthday, it is then that I realize how much older everyone in my life, including myself, is getting. Will is 16 now and will be 17 in March. *gasp* He's almost a legal adult! WTF! And Zach, like I said, is 14 now. He'll be 15 in less than a year - driving!! Ava will be 7 in April. WHAT?! Yeah. And I'll be 21 on my next birthday. How very strange. Even stranger? My Papa will be 80 - yes EIGHTY - in January. I feel so blessed that I've gotten to share at least 20 years with my grandparents. But at the same time...I've only ever had 2 grandparents at all. I never "really" had paternal grandparents because my grand-daddy died a few months before I was born, and my "ammama" <-- how I said it, passed away when I was just 3. But enough of that. So on Saturday (20th) I went home for Zach's birthday dinner and to do Christmas pictures for our Christmas cards. Seth was included this year. :) I guess that makes us more legitimate in my parents' eyes? haha. No one even blinked. My Papa kept asking when he got to help plan the wedding. Ha! Don't get me started on that. Our pictures were taken by a local photographer - credit to AshleyWhitePhotography. She did a good job considering what her subjects were - MY Crazy family. Here are a few "proofs" I guess they are called.














This last one will be a choice for our cards. :) That's Nic in the front (foreign exchange student). I'll post the ones we get on the disc later if there are any that are suppperrr cute. I liked how most of these turned out. So after this (it was a little less than an hour) we went to Nanny & Papa's really quick and I got to meet their new kitten! :) Made me miss my puppies. :/ :/ They are at their favorite boarding place (Seriously, they get excited when we get there, so I don't feel as bad leaving them.) We can't do pick-ups on Sundays apparently so we can't get them until tomorrow morning. It's soooo weird being here without my puppies. I don't like it.

OH, but dinner! We went to O'Charley's and had a really good waiter. :) haha. His name was Rich and he did very well with our table of 1000. Jk. But it was 11 people on a Saturday night. Food was good, company was better. (Just in case, it was: Bday boy Zach, Will, Tyler (Will & Zach's friend), Nic, Seth, Me, Ava, Mom, Mark, Nanny & Papa).

Afterwards, we went to see the new Harry Potter. :) It was soooo long - and I had no idea! It did NOT feel that long at all! (It was about 3 hours) And we also decided Will looks a little like Daniel Radcliffe (Harry) as far as bone structure. lol. It was good - I want to see the next one NOW. :p Movies are awesome.

Today we went to church. :) I love going to church, when I get to. My Mom suggested the chapel (not the sanctuary) for our wedding one day (in 2074, at this point).......... Whatever, man.

'So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your
God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10

I realllllllllyyyyyyyy hope this starts working sometime soon. I need it.

Limbo

Soooooo frustrated. I have come to a really sad version of inner peace. I'm pretty sure about how I feel regarding certain things, but I don't know where to go from here. I am in a state of unsatisfied limbo. Neither here, nor there.

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity

I don't even get what the next step is going to be, and I feel unprepared. I realize life doesn't have a book for you to use to navigate it and I am totally on unfamiliar ground, but this ground feels a lot like thin ice. It feels so uncertain. And I hate that feeling. I'm a control freak, yes, but I think it's completely normal to wonder "What's next?" What can possibly come after that or this or where am I headed.

It's only a [mistake], if you didn't learn from it... If you did, it's a LESSON LEARNED.

In a state of limbo. Goodnight blogger. <3

Infertility Rant

Sometimes steady growth is restraining because you want to go at your own pace, which can be faster than everyone else's.

Oh, boy.

I can't even begin to get my thoughts in order right now.

This may be kind of stupid....but I watched Juno. That was a BIG mistake. I kept seeing myself in Jennifer Garner's character and it made me cry. The movie makes me cry anyways, but since a few conversations yesterday it was on my mind. Let's get down to yesterday (Saturday, that is).

Saturday I had lunch with my Dad and then my Mom came up and spent the night at my apartment for the first time. Seth had gone "home" to work on somebody's truck or whatever. So Mom came up and we went to dinner and then to Elea's Senior Recital and then to the movies. We saw Life As We Know It with Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl -- love them and loved it. I definitely want it when it comes out! The movie itself was kind of...beautiful?

But the conversation that, surprisingly, I had with both of my parents on separate occasions was about my fertility issue. The basics are that they don't get the issue (or my issue with the issue)...yet. I mean, they understand what the issue IS and they seem to get that I do WANT babies, but I think right now all they see is my age and the fact that we are not married yet and making money and such.

I totally get those logistical points. Of COURSE I do! I get that we are still students, for the meantime anyway (6 more months!) and that we aren't getting married for a little while (like I said, early 2012)...but that means that I can at least begin thinking about what to do for my situation as far as fertility, right? At least figure out what my options are and what to try first and when to try and these things. Really it's not that far off. Think about it...early 2012 is less than a year and a half from now. By NO MEANS am I saying ooohhh let's plan out pregnancy options. But I personally see no problem *thinking* about my options. To be honest....I have hardly even googled my options. I know the basics: fertility drugs like clomid, some forms of shots, IVF (invitro), surrogacy and adoption. Those are the "main" options I think and I haven't researched ANY of them. (That will be a huge surprise to Hannah and probably Seth)

But here is the "but" that I have to their reasoning. BUT, my ovaries get worse every single day. They look like damn pickled eggs with the stupid cysts. BUT it will be more likely that I will get pregnant easier if I am younger (say, 22 or 23). And BUT, I want babies before I'm older. I will go with the plan that God has for me, but I would prefer to not be 30+ when I have my first child or adopt my first child. For what it's worth, I think God's plan is for me to have my first child and adopt my second. But, who knows. We shall see, yes?

I am aware that I am young-ish. I am aware that this decision is not imminent. But I am also aware of the restrictions my disorder is putting on my "fertility clock." The clock is ticking or whatever. I am also aware that it will most likely be more difficult for us to conceive and I almost feel like contraceptions are taking away my chances. Slightly crazy and insane thought? Yep. But it's my natural thought. I also think sometimes that contraception = a waste of money. But of course the day I test that is the day I'm 20/21 with an unplanned pregnancy. Which would be a blessing, but I WOULD like to have some of the logistics on my side.... done with college, working, money, house, married, etc etc.

This rant has kind of ended up here: I want babies. I want babies in my 20s. I am so sad and upset sometimes that my ability to do this au naturale was taken from me by my uncooperative body. I would rather have babies young than not have babies at all. I would rather be unconventional and have a harder few first years with my babies than a hard few years without babies and LOTS of older years without children at all. I am jealous of mothers, young or old, easy or hard. Jealous isn't the right word, but it's what I came up with. It's a combo of jealous, hopeful, happy and aware. The baby shows on TV capture my attention even while they make me feel inadequate in some ways. I think I will be a good mom. As good as a human being can be at that role anyways. OH, and btw world, my mom already called dibs on "Nana" as her grandparent name. :) I empathize (and maybe on a level sympathize? wording sucks today) with people that have been TTC (trying to conceive) for a very long time and/or those mothers that have experienced loss of a baby/babies. I truly wish to learn from their journeys and sort of think that by not waiting for when it is "convenient" that I can more easily achieve that ultimate dream.

I doubt I even make any sense............

Bye world, see you in a few.

Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade.

Ahhh, I love finding new awesome sites. Dear blank, please blank...

:)

That's all for today.

Pic-a-tures :)

NOT sure where to start. Let's do a very brief overview of my school week: Nothing happened. Classes were boring.

After our last class today at 8:07 pm (I hate being held late, ha) Hannah and I went back to her place and then Seth joined us after HE got out of class. In between those two things happening, there was a fire thing at Hannah's apartments. THAT was great. ;) So then we found the cool function on the MAC. We hadn't played with it yet. So I'm going to post a few of the favorites. :D

AND then we played with this freakin' awesome Nikon. Or really Hannah played with it and Seth and I got embarassing (and some cute) pics taken! hahaha. It's okay, we are semi-camera whores anyways. ;) Here are a few.

Good job photog Hannah. ;) And I'm soooo proud of Hannah for staying up to a college bedtime instead of an old lady's! hahaha. She JUST went to sleep at 3 something am!! SO IMPRESSED!! ;)