Utter Confusion

I truly dislike being confused or second-guessing. It makes me feel anxious, makes me grumpy (and add external factors and whatever, say goodbye to pleasant Amelia) and it just makes me feel....wrong. I've always had anxiety issues. Yes, real ones. Diagnosed ones that I've pretty much had under control for the past several years, but it's difficult at times. Especially when I feel like I do right now.

The reason behind my feelings.... you guessed it. I know that I want to teach - that isn't what is in question. The NEW question is WHAT do I want to teach? I see my friends around me falling into different teaching positions and I wonder, which one of these do I fit?

To answer a few of my own questions.... My original thought behind teaching was to teach English/Language Arts. I also think I'd prefer Middle School aged children, maybe 4-8. The options for certification are 4-8 or 6-12. I could see upper level elementary, I could also see high school. Maybe I could get an add-on to teach some of the other grades since you have to choose?

Back to my rambling. I could also see myself enjoying the difference I could make in Special Education. I can honestly see *both* of those being extremely viable options. So where do I go? Do I let current trends sway me and go for the Special Ed. or do I let my absolute *true* passion (English/Writing/Grammar, etc) carry me and just pray I get offered a job in my specialty? OR do I do both....eventually? I could get my M.A.T. in either Middle Grades LA or Special Education (General Curriculum.) Either of these could make me happy. I could follow that up with either an add-on endorsement (usually 12-ish hours) in the opposite field or an Ed.S. in the opposite. It's really quite confusing. I know that if I taught Special Ed. I would also still want to focus on English/Language Arts. *sigh* Who knows.

I'm at least glad I have narrowed down the field and feel confident in that. I'm truly glad about that. What brought up these questions is probably the fact that despite being OVER qualified (education wise) I still have not and cannot get a Para job. :( It makes me sad.