You know what really sucks? Something that I know all married couples go through to some degree? Having the same argument OVER and OVER. Even if it's spaced apart, once you've been together for several years you have your "we're going to argue about this all the time, aren't we" type of disagreements. I'm not saying they have to be SERIOUS. Maybe they're stupid. But I think every couple has theirs, and lots of times more than one in varying intensities.
We have several, but one that is really driving me NUTS right now is one where... It just leaves me exhausted, feeling like a shitty wife, and wondering....well, basically wondering, "WTF?"
I hate it because I know that we should compromise. He knows that we should compromise....but there IS no compromise. It's either, yes or no. And what really sucks? No matter the answer, it seems like we're both going to be pissed. There isn't that "Win-Win" situation. Why? Let me break it down without saying what our argument is (because this blog out in the interwebs is not the place for me to air my dirty laundry, I just want to discuss the basics of it.)
Option 1 - I give in and say "Yes, you can." BUT there has to be more to it than just that. For him to be completely happy I have to truly support it/him, attend things related to it, and basically....well, lie. At this point anyway. (Of course, people change.) But you see, me just saying "Yes" is only half the battle and I know at this point I am not willing to both say yes and be untrue to my beliefs on the topic. Even if I say yes, I'll be so incredibly unhappy with it that there is no way to be supportive or even want to participate. It absolutely blows, because this fight is just... it seems like if we don't figure it out we could be shutting the door on part of our marriage.
Now, Option 2. He gives in and stops pursuing something that I disagree with. This one is a little more obvious how it plays out. He is immensely unhappy and probably never forgives me (or at least never forgets), I'm relieved but I'm also not happy because...well because I feel like I'm taking something away from him and I know he'll essentially blame me. So again, neither of us are happy.
Now, Option 3. The compromise. Even though I don't think it will fix this problem either, mind you. There are two ways to compromise on this. One is that he finds something SIMILAR but less dangerous and I keep my mouth shut and let him do whatever. But you see, it still doesn't resolve anything. He still wants the elusive thing and I still don't want him to. The other "compromise" option is that I consent, but with "rules" that make me feel better about his safety among other things. Maybe something along the lines of, "X, Y, and Z need to happen prior to this and if it ever gets to a point that I feel you're taking advantage of it, that's it." I realize that sounds a bit ultimatum-y but I promise this is not about anything sexual or weird. Again, I just don't want to come out and say what it is to protect our privacy and keep it somewhat within our marriage.
Yes, I know we're both stubborn. But this is something that we have gone around the block on and we just cannot seem to discuss it civilly. He ignores my points and I get annoyed that I'm being asked the same question and he isn't hearing me. He gets annoyed that it feels like I'm trying to be controlling or not "letting" him do something. Did I mention it sucked? Yeah. It's one of our "bigger" common arguments.
Obviously we just had it........again. And you see, it doesn't matter if people agree with one of our sides or the other. It doesn't matter what our friends or family may think about either of our sides. I realize it's debatable and it doesn't make a difference. So here we are, stuck. Plus I talk better in writing and he just doesn't express himself or a range of emotions much unless it's "really really happy" or "pissed off" or "tired" <-- grumpy. He's your stereotypical guy, basically. And I'm the stereotypical girl, full of emotions. I don't want to become "the nag" or the reason he doesn't do something.....but I'm also somewhat unwilling to compromise my own thoughts. *sigh* I'll probably regret writing this and letting people read it later. Oh well. Don't agree with me, get off my blog.
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