I have a new sister :)

 So yesterday night around 11:30-ish Seth, Will and I met our new sister or sister-in-law, whichever applies. We went and picked Mom, Mark, Ava & Jennifer up from the airport. I was excited to see Ava -- I really did miss her! And I was so ready for Mom & Mark to be back -- To be honest, I was tired of pseudo-parenting and having to keep up with everything. I also just missed being able to have a conversation with my Mom that wasn't interrupted by a crappy Skype connection or not being able to say it "like it is" because others were around.

So we got to the airport and met up with everyone.

Jenn, if you're reading this one day: You're gorgeous! I know our family is crazy (I promise, we all know that) and it won't be the easiest thing to become a part of it. I just want you to know that our family is full of love, though sometimes misguided or strange as it may be. I hope you and Ava become really good friends, as sisters should be, and that I can be a good role model for the both of you. I hope you learn to love where you are living and that the transition is as painless as possible. I know you probably feel lost at times and awkward, but don't worry. I can't say "I've been there" but I can say "I'll be there." It's been an interesting transition so far. I take my role as "big sister" to heart; I can't just turn it off or on. You may not always agree with me (or others in the family) but I hope you feel that you can be honest and I hope you feel accepted. I know you said this was your "fourth family" but Jenn, this is your "last family" and your "always family." Even when you get married to some incredibly lucky man and make your own little family, we will still be there....crazy as ever. I loved getting to bond with you better today when you, Mom and I went shopping. You're funny and blunt and so creative. I will always wish you the best. Xx Love, Amelia.

On a more somber note...

What happened to my sweet babies? :`(
I honestly don't understand my brothers anymore. We grew up together with (basically) the same environment. I don't get why there is no empathy or compassion, no forethought, and no respect right now. I'm not saying they are not capable - they are! That is what is so damn frustrating! To see my two little brothers act the way I've seen in the past few weeks quite literally makes me cry. I'm past the point of trying to fix everything and I'm past the point of trying to justify some of their shitty attitudes. I don't agree with it. I wish they would just accept things and move on instead of trying to hide behind their excuses and "personalities." They are better than their attitudes right now.

New Jobs, New Doors & New Sisters

I wrote my first two paying blogs today! :) That's more exciting than I thought it would be. The pay isn't a ton of money or anything -- certainly not a "get rich quick" but if you are a fast writer like me, it's pretty good. I can write up to 10 per day, with a minimum of 10 per week. I'll probably fall somewhere in the middle. I can't see myself wanting to sit in front of a computer to write 10 per day!

Today we didn't do much. We had lunch with Jackie before she leaves for Orlando in the am (so jealous!) went to the bank, etc. We're doing so much better with our money now that I've found that amazing Bill notebook. It's insanely awesome! I love organizational things and this one was the ultimate find. I added to it, since I am nuts, and put a monthly calendar in it as well. Haha.

Tomorrow is exciting in a funny way! After Zach is done with football, we're going to go get new back doors for our house! Instead of those stupid slider doors that I don't find very safe, we're going to go get some awesome steel french doors! We found a good place (Builders Surplus Atlanta) with a better price than other retailers. I'm excited. Plus, french doors are just so pretty. 

Also, I am super anxious for my family to get back from China! They've been gone for 10 days now and I'm so over it. It's annoying to have to set up a time to TRY and Skype them halfway around the world. It has been a terrible connection lately AND Mark's laptop died so they had to try and use the hotel's computer, which had no microphone, and then had to use their smart-phone which is a less stable connection. It's just annoying when all I want to do is have a normal conversation, especially considering the events of last week are still being dealt with and I feel under-equipped. Also, apparently Jenn is more of a 'handful' than they anticipated......that seems to happen, doesn't it? I take it the personality profiler person doesn't know them much when it's written or else they're sugar-coating. So bizzare.

Anyway, the first two pictures I'm going to post of our new family member is below. :) If you're actually interested, they have a blog on babyjellybeans.com. Here's Jenn!

What a Week

So this past week has been exhausting. Zach stayed with us for a little over a week and Will was home this weekend. There was a LOT of running around to school, practice, other stuff, and I am just drained. I slept for a full 8.5 hours last night and I'm still tired. I guess it was good practice for that whole parenting thing I mentioned in the last blog? Though teenagers are exhausting in a very different way than a newborn or a toddler.


Last night, we had Shane and Heather over on top of Will and Zach. We had a good time. Zach and Seth made hamburgers and hotdogs, etc. Then we played The Logo Game - Seth is such a bad sport when it comes to games though, for real. I can't WAIT until he has to lose on purpose when we have kids. That will be AWESOME to watch. ;) I wish we'd played Clue. It's my favorite! Plus it's less competitive. One cool thing that happened today was Will finally donated his hair! If you'll recall, Ava and I donated ours in July (there's a post in July 2012) and his wasn't quite there yet. Today it was go time! They had to braid it into sections and then CHOP. It was so short. He looks like a different person kind of. It was styled differently than the after picture when it was completely done, but this is just an idea of what happened.

My brain is kind of fried, honestly. I've been working my new job (which is good!) I'm not even sure if I updated that here, but obviously, I do indeed have a new job! I'm still going to keep my "Ava job" which is awesomely ideal. The new job is as a "Marketing Director" for a small-ish healthcare/chiropractic clinic called The Paulk Clinic. So far, I've made them a new website and created a Facebook and Twitter page. I still have lots to do and implement but I'm excited. I made a new flyer today for their front desk to introduce the new media I'm inputting. :) I'm also looking into some other WAH jobs -- I'm super interested in a blog writing one. Not this type of blog, but blog posts that are related to media marketing. I'm also interested in a temporary PT office assistant one that would be over in December -- which is perfect! I'll start Grad School in January (hopefully!) so I wouldn't be overloaded, plus I could make some extra cash in the meantime. Love it! My patience, or rather, my pseudo-patience is paying off. I'm not patient at all, but just believing that I'd eventually get something. I hope it keeps going up from here! :)

On another note, I really want a new camera. My old one is a POS now and we can't even find the battery charger. I'm not saying one like my Mom's fancy one but definitely something a little better than the old point and shoot for when we have kids! A girl can dream. I just want something like the Nikon Coolpix or something similar?

Parenting Young

Parenting at a young age -- the topic is one that interests me on a personal level, but also as a former Psychology major. Seth and I have been talking about our TTC plans and to be quite honest, I'm pretty confident in our abilities to parent now. I doubt them on a bad day and I question that, but I think most reasonable and responsible people thoroughly think big decisions through (as much as possible, depending on the circumstance).

I stumbled across a blog called "early mama: redefining the young mom" and it piqued my interest. One of the articles, defending young parenthood in a mature way, really got my attention. Young parenthood is not for everyone by any means! I can't see a lot of my friends being ready to parent just yet, but I'll say this. Most of the ones I know that DO parent now are fantastic at it. Sure, all have made certain sacrifices depending on when they got pregnant and how they dealt with it in their life, but very few of my "friends" on Facebook even are extremely irresponsible and meet that "stereotype" of the young mother. Granted, I deleted some of those when I realized that that was indeed what they were.

Anyway, one of the points the blogger made was that SOME of us actually have a decent idea of how our lives would play out if we chose to have kids. Obviously the best example to use would be myself -- it is my blog after all. ;-) It was nice to be able to type this out and have it make sense.

Example -
Longevity/Stability of Relationship: Seth and I are married, and have been for over six months, putting us at a minimum at 1 year and 2-ish months married at baby's birth. We have been together for 4.5 years, again the minimum would be 5 years and some change at birth. Do I think we know everything about each other? Of course not. That would be boring, honestly. Some major things I imagine come out during the parenting process as well. But we're in it for the long-haul or else wasting our time. ETA on 3/3/13: Make that at least 1 year and 9 months...and 5.5 years.

But let's continue...
Education: Seth and I both have college degrees. I'm planning on getting my Masters, which I will begin in January. IF we got pregnant immediately/soon, it would be summertime when I had a child. I'd also be about 1/3 of the way through my Masters. Seth is working on another higher degree as well; his is online. ETA on 3/3/13: I'm almost finished with my first semester of my Masters. *If* we got pregnant NOW, it would be December and I would only have student teaching left to complete in 2014.

Finances/Jobs: We both have jobs. Seth has a full-time job in his chosen career (yay!) and is expecting a raise soon (double yay!) I work two part-time jobs, though not in my "career" exactly. However, this works to my advantage. The two jobs I have would be well-suited to parenting and finishing a Masters. One of my jobs is 80% work-from-home and the other is one where bringing a baby along would be perfectly acceptable (as it has to do with my own family.) The only time I would need childcare would be during the few days per month I would go in for my WFH job (maybe one to two mornings a week month, max) and during class time. I think Seth's schedule in combination with a good babysitter would be fine. It would probably be less than or around 10 hours per week and some of it would be covered by Seth. Minimal costs, here. For the sake of the example, say we paid the babysitter $10 per hour and it was 7 hours per week. $70 per week. Not bad. ETA on 3/3/13: He got that raise and may be getting another (better) job. I have 4 jobs right now, all of which would be fine for bringing a baby along if necessary. The only times it wouldn't would be during internship hours. My student teaching is FT but if I got a real teaching position, I'd be salaried and have benefits. :) I also had a job interview for a salaried job with benefits on Friday.

Home Life: We own our own home. We have enough bedrooms (3), bathrooms (2.5), square footage (around 1700), etc. We both now have vehicles suitable for car seats and babies, as Seth has a four-door truck and I have a four-door sedan. We live in an established community with nice neighbors and low crime - and a pool for when baby is ready for that. We live within a decent distance of all of our parents. By the time our child would be in school, I would have a job in Education and they could go to school with me. ETA on 3/3/13: Same. :) Just closer to that job in Education.

Miscellaneous: I don't feel like our siblings would be way too young to be Aunts/Uncles anymore. Yes, Ava would be exceptionally young as far as it all goes, but what else is to be expected when there is a 14 year age gap between siblings? Just because I like numbers, if we were to get pregnant in the next few months: Shane - 22, Will - 19, Zach - 16, Jenn - 14, Ava - 9. If it took the traditional year to get pregnant, we're talking: 23, 20, 17, 15 and 10. Also, I'm not a "partier." I like the occasional drink with friends, but it's extremely rare. I literally think the last time I drank anything was maybe in July? The last time I drank enough for it to affect me was Halloween of last year. Yeah, I'm a big partier. Not. I'm perfectly content being a bit of a homebody. I'm a bit of a homebody as it is! Oh, and just because I like that numbers game, the ages of our child's grandparents if we got pregnant within the next few months (basing this on August 2013) would be 44, 50, 50, 53, 54, 59. That's including my steps. And, God willing, great grandparents would be 76-ish and 78/79. Not bad, eh? ETA on 3/3/13: They'd be: Shane - 23, Will - 19, Zach - 17, Jenn - 14/15, Ava - 9.

But back to the blog I was reading. I want to just paste the ending of one of her (awesome) posts for later.
"How long until we recognize that fertility is something to value, not something to put on layaway? That sometimes nature knows what it’s doing?
Listen, I think there certainly are 40+ women who are biologically able to produce healthy and happy children, as well as be phenomenal parents. My aunt and a friend of mine both fall into this category (after “oops” pregnancies, not IVF) and I couldn’t imagine their children not existing. But it’s the trend of delayed parenting becoming the norm (fueled by society’s misconceptions about motherhood and younger women) that I find unsettling.
If becoming a parent is important to you, then know that there is an expiration date — as unfair as that seems. And coming from a younger mom, an ambitious woman, I’m just as professionally and personally fulfilled as I’ve ever dreamed to be."

Amen, Michelle.

We shall see if we're ready to jump into this TTC thing full-force or if we'll keep it relaxed like we have been. Either way, I'm ready to be a mom.

15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years

I know it's been a while since I updated. Here's a very brief update: adoption is happening in a few days; Zach is spending the week+ with us, I got a new job as a marketing director and I'm also able to keep my old one, we've been married for 6 months now and Will is in college.

Now to the point of my post, I saw this article shared on a friend's Facebook wall and I really liked it, but I didn't want to just bookmark it and forget about it. I periodically re-read my blog so I thought I'd feature it here. All of this post from here on out was taken from http://girlsguideto.com/article/15-ways-stay-married-15-years <-- giving credit where it's due.

Author Lydia Netzer has been married for 15 years. She and her husband aren't experts on marriage, just their own, and you can tell they are super proud of their relationship and totally still in love.
As Lydia says, she and her husband Dan got married when they were 25 years old. I love her self decprication: "Looking back I’m surprised we didn’t, as 25 year olds, self-destruct just for the heck of it. Now that we are older, we are perhaps surprisingly also wiser." Trust me, they are definitely wiser.
Here are the things they have learned over the years, that helped them stay married and -- gasp! -- even happy for fifteen years. (Beyond that, she says you’re on your own. She can’t promise another 15.) Their list does not resemble the one you will find in Cosmo or Ladies’ Home Journal. She says they have never had a regular date night, nor do they prioritize “communication” or play sex games or see a therapist. He doesn’t bring her flowers every Thursday, she doesn’t cook his favorite food very often. But they do have some other ideas. Here they are in Lydia and Dan's own words!

1. Go to bed mad.
The old maxim that you shouldn’t go to bed mad is stupid. Sometimes you need to just go to freakin’ bed. “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” is prefaced in the Bible by the phrase “Be angry and sin not.” So, who’s to say it doesn’t mean “Stay angry, bitches. Don’t let the sun go down on that awesome fierce wrath of yours.” Seriously. Whoever interpreted this to mean that you should stay up after midnight, tear-stained and petulant, trying to iron out some kind of overtired and breathy accord -- was stupid. Shut up, go to bed, let your husband get some sleep. In the morning, eat some pancakes. Everything will seem better, I swear.

2. Laugh if you can.
In any fight, there is one person who is really mad, and one person who isn’t that mad. That person should deflect the fight. Make a joke, do something stupid or corny, make the other person laugh. If the fight is very serious for you and you feel like you really want to plant your flag and die on this hill, fine. Do it. But if you’re fighting for entertainment, or because you’re just reacting, then you be the one to deflect. Fights are bad. Deflecting a fight whenever possible is a good idea. When you’re the one who’s being pissy and raw, and the other person helps you get out of it and brings about peace, that feels fantastic. This was a hard lesson to learn, for me. Letting Dan deflect a fight is the best thing, now. He does it really well.

3. Don’t criticize. Ever.
Here is a fact: Whatever critical thing that you are about to say to your wife is already being loudly articulated in her head. And if it’s true, she already feels like crap about it. Assuming you married someone intelligent enough to like you and sane enough to let you put a ring on it, trust that they are self-aware enough to know when they screwed up. It may feel good to you in that moment to say the critical thing, let it go ringing through the air in all its sonorous correctness, but it will feel awful to hear it. The only, only way it’s beneficial to give your wife criticism of any kind is if you’re absolutely positive she is completely unaware. And you better find the nicest, kindest way possible to tell her. And even then, good luck convincing her. Their recognition of the thing you are helpfully trying to point out will be INHIBITED, not facilitated, by your criticism. And then you’re the asshole. So be careful.

4. Be the mirror.
Your husband is the mirror in which you see yourself. And the things you say to him give him an image of himself too, which he will believe. You want him to believe it, so make it good. Be a mirror that reflects something positive: you’re smart, you’re successful, you’re fantastic in the sack, you’re a great provider, you’re the best. Can you MAKE him any of these things just by telling him he is? I don’t know, but consider this: the alternative really sucks. The things my husband says to me are 1000 times more convincing than anyone else’s opinion on earth. Don’t think he won’t believe you because you’re married and you’re contractually obligated to say nice things. He’ll believe the shitty, insulting things you say, and the gloriously positive things.

5. Be proud and brag.
Let your spouse hear you talking about them in glowing terms to other people. Be foolish. Be obvious. It will mean everything. You will stay married forever.

6. Do your own thing.
Dan races bicycles. I write books. I don’t race bicycles or have any desire to race bicycles. He doesn’t write books, nor does he even read the books that I write. Seriously. And I don’t care. My opinion is that he’s the fastest, coolest most awesome bike racer ever. His opinion is that I’m the bestest, coolest writer ever. We don’t have to know all about cycling or writing in order to form these opinions -- in fact knowledge of literature or actually reading my book might damage Dan’s opinion of me as “best writer since the dawn of time.” We can still support each other without being all up in the other person’s stuff. Doing your own thing, having your own friends, being completely insanely passionate about something that the other person has no idea, really, about, is awesome. It allows your spouse to be your cheerleader, uncomplicated by knowledge or personal investment. And it means you’ll always have stuff to talk about, because you’re not overlapping all the time. You don’t have to read the same books either. You don’t have to have the same friends.

7. Have kids.
Kids stop you from being as crazy as you want to be. Because when you have kids, you can’t be that crazy.

8. Get really good at sex.
You’ve got all the time in the world to get really really good, not just at sex in general, but at having sex with your one particular husband. You should make it your life’s mission to become the perfect sex machine exactly for him. And he for you. There is no reason to hold back, or be embarrassed, or not ask questions, and get everything working properly. There’s absolutely no excuse for letting years drag on without becoming fully skilled, gifted sex partners for each other. It makes everything so much better. Does talking about this make you uncomfortable? How uncomfortable would it make you to know that your spouse is secretly, silently “just okay” with your sexual performance? Yeah. You want to last fifteen years, remember? That’s a long time to be mildly happy.

9. Move.
Live in different houses. In different parts of the country. Travel. Make it so that you can look back and divide up your life into the years you spent in different cities, or different houses. If you’re feeling stuck geographically or physically, you can confuse yourself into thinking you’re stuck romantically. See your husband in different places, in different contexts, in different countries even. Try it. Take him to a mountaintop and give him another look. Pretty sexy. Take him to a new city and check out his profile. Along the same lines, don’t be afraid to change personally, or let your wife change as a person. Don’t worry about “growing apart.” Be brave and evolve. Become completely different. Don’t gather moss. Stagnation is unattractive.

10. Stop thinking temporarily.
Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given. It sounds obvious, but really making it a given is hard. You tend to think in “ifs” and “thens” even when you’ve publicly committed to forever. If he does this, I won’t tolerate it. If I do this, he’ll leave me. If I get fat. If I change jobs. If he says mean things. If he doesn’t pay more attention. It’s natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can get go of the idea that marriage is temporary, and will end if certain awful conditions are met, the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress. Yes, you may find yourself in a horrible situation where it’s absolutely necessary to get a divorce. But going into it with divorce in the back of your mind, even in the way way way back of your mind, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary angst. Accept that you’re going to stay with him. He’s going to stay with you. Inhabit that and figure out how to make THAT work, instead of living with the “what if”s and “in case of”s.

11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.
Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious. Don’t ass around with a “hall pass” or a “harmless flirtation.” Adultery isn’t an event, it’s a process with an event at the end. Don’t put your feet on a path that could lead someplace bad.

12. Make a husband pact with your friends.
The husband pact says this: I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more. The husband pact is very useful because you want to be able to vent to your friend without having her actually start hating your husband. Because you don’t really mean all those things you say. And she, the swearer of the pact, knows this.

13. Bitch to his mother, not yours.
This is one I did read somewhere in a magazine, and it’s totally true. His mother will forgive him. Yours never will. If you’re a man, bitch to your friends. They expect it.

14. Be loyal.
All the crap you read in magazines about honesty, sense of humor, communication, sensitivity, date nights, couples weekends, blah blah blah can be trumped by one word: loyalty. You and your spouse are a team of two. It is you against the world. No one else is allowed on the team, and no one else will ever understand the team’s rules. This is okay. The team is not adversarial, the team does not tear its members down, the team does not sabotage the team’s success. Teammates work constantly to help and better their teammates. Loyalty means you put the other person in your marriage first all the time, and you let them put you first. Loyalty means subverting your whims or desires of the moment to better meet your spouse’s whims or desires, with the full understanding and expectation that they will be doing the same. This is the heart of everything, and it is a tricky balance. Sometimes it sways one way and some the other. Sometimes he gets to be crazy, sometimes it’s your turn. Sometimes she’s in the spotlight, sometimes you. Ups and downs, ultimately, don’t matter because the team endures.

15. Trust the person you married.
For two people who are trying to help each other, it can almost be harder to let the other person help you than it is to be the one who’s helping. It can be harder to let the other person deflect the fight than to be the one deflecting. It can be harder to believe that your husband is fully committed to a lifetime of marriage than to commit yourself. Harder to change yourself than to let the other person change. Harder to be loved than to love. Weird, but true. I’m saying this to everyone who’s newly married, and to myself: trust that person. Love them completely and let them love you. If it all goes to seed, it’s going to hurt either way. Better to have gone into it full throttle. Full throttle marriage is a thrilling ride.