Sorry for the melodrama!

After the post I wrote last night detailing my insanity....er, my thoughts...I spent the day basically feeling sorry for myself. That's never a good thing to do and I disliked it, but it was tough to pull myself out of it. In an attempt to pull myself out of it, I started reading other blogs that are similar (or in lots of cases, even worse) and cried and cried. I know...

I have this issue that it just kind of dawned on me to put into words. I cannot cry for myself. It isn't that I cannot, it's that I mostly choose not to. I always have, since I was little. I would cry because my brothers were hurting or because my mom was hurting, but I rarely let myself cry for me. Maybe because I had a few very traumatic events that kind of  haunt me that include me crying. I'm not saying I don't cry for myself at all, I'm sure I did quite a lot, but as I've gotten older I do it less and less. Sometimes I'll cry out of frustration, anger, or grief...but not just to release my OWN sadness. I cried more seeing my brothers cry (heartwrenching) after my Papa passed, or seeing my mother cry (never happens...maybe it's where I get it from) but...I don't know. I've channeled my feelings into other things. I've always known I do this as I sometimes get to a point where I "need" to cry, so I'll watch a sad movie or read a sad book...or like today, I read sad blogs. I wouldn't just cry because I am frustrated or cry because of the grief process (right words?) that the infertility process induces. Man, I need therapy.

I think I've finally pulled myself out of it, and even if it took me until 2 am to get out of it, that's okay. I'm glad I stayed up late enough for it to work though! I didn't want another day of THAT feeling. So I looked at wedding pictures, and edited a few of them just to capture our expressions, and it reminded me how damn LUCKY I am to have a man look at me like this:

 Screw being sad, at least for now. I love him and he loves me and it will all work out in the end.