Yikes.

That pretty much sums up my day. I don't even know where to begin, I only know that if I don't get this out constructively (aka venting to you fine people bored or kind enough to read my blog) then I will literally lose it today. I may breakdown later anyways, but I figured I would try this first.

I really, truly can not stand days like this. You know, those days that never seem to end in things that go wrong? When it rains, it pours, right? And it isn't just the literal things it's all the other crazy-cakes things that go on inside your brain, too.

When I got to Nanny's (early) this morning, she was out of it and having a low with her blood sugar. Dioriented, dizzy, forgetful and her blood sugar was only 71....AFTER I pumped half a Coke into her. Yeah, pretty darn low. Those days are never fun and I have SO much respect for nurses and doctors and EMT's, etc, that deal with that type of thing on a daily basis. Granted, those people are getting paid and it isn't their own grandmother they have to take care of usually. I think at the very least it makes it less emotionally charged, but I am positive it is still stressful. Again, kudos to them. I couldn't do it long term.

After dealing with that, taking her out to lunch, and then grocery shopping (because her niece E is coming from England with her partner S tomorrow)...and then trying to get the flea and tick stuff on her cats and ya-da-ya-da I went and got Ava. Who was "okay" but being kind of a brat. Dealt with that and really just wanted to sleep. Note: I want to sleep when I have a bad or draining day. Like I feel like I could sleep for hours.

I don't know. I know I'm rambling but I feel so overwhelmed and that isn't even the half of it. I started Grad School today (YAY!!!) But I had to be there by 6 and Mom got there at 5:15 and was honestly kind of rude about me not wanting to be with them ALLLLL day tomorrow. I mean seriously, explain to me why I would want to be there from 2:00 until well after 8:00?? Yeah, no thanks. I can only take my family in small doses most of the time. Especially with the week I am having. -_-

So then I'm driving here, my tire is being stupid, I feel a bit anxious and rushed, go to let the dogs out, spill the snack I had gotten on the stairs (oops!) and then drop my phone trying to catch the house phone from falling. Like, what in the hell. It was one of those "I really want to cry but I don't want to be a wuss" kind of days. OH, and I got our Property Tax bill. It was better than I thought it would be but STILL good grief! It was less than $1,000 though, so that's good?

OBVIOUSLY the little mundane issues weren't what made it so overwhelming and OBVIOUSLY there are some undertones. Example -- today is six months. Six whole months without my Papa. And the fact that my Nanny had an episode *today* of all days, or the fact that if I wasn't there when I was, she'd be in a coma or worse. Yeah, it's a little overwhelming. Or the fact that I'm getting angrier at people that don't deserve my anger because of the situation. It's just such an ugly situation and I'm kind of resentful of having to be put in it. I really don't like it.

Add that to the fact that I got rejected from a job this morning, which is always a bummer, and the job hunt isn't going so well. For whatever reason I just don't look great on paper? Or I'm too young? Or my experience isn't what they're looking for? Who knows. I'm frustrated with it. I really feel like I may lose it.

Or maybe add onto this that Seth basically told me flat out that he wants a baby and I desperately want one too BUT I don't think we're financially ready (but who is? right?) and oh, ya know, the fact that it doesn't seem my surgery has even "fixed" anything. TMI Alert, but I literally have had ONE visit from AF this YEAR. Freakin' one. It was in February. How insane is that?!?!? You go from December to February to...what? May? Maybe? IF AF decides to show up in May? -_- It just makes me sad and feel inadequate and I don't know anymore.

I want one of those super cute lives that people with children have.